I've been swinging on and off for 9 years and I have learned so much in that time, the constant evolution of preferences and changes in attitude, swinging has been the biggest learning curve of a journey I have had.
So what is swinging? It is defined as a lifestyle of non-monogamy where sexual relations occur outside the established couple... well I am a single female so how does that define swinging for me?... it doesn't, as a swingle the social definitions don't' tend to apply as I am not going to be exchanging partners with another couple, but like any other person if the lifestyle I too have my own preferences, likes and dislikes.
Being a swingle, for me, is very different from being in a couple and I find I am approached from every angle, from the single guys as they don't have to share me with anyone and find it less intimidating and often by couples seeking to fulfill their own fantasies of a threesome or cuck games, it gives me the freedom to play how I like and with whom I like as I am on my own so no compromise or discussion is needed like in a relationship which is great, however it has its downsides as with a lot of couples I am seen as an object to fulfill their needs and no real considerations of my own, and I also feel uncomfortable going to new clubs and parties on my own for safety reasons.
In the 9 years of swinging my preferences have changed so much, I started out as a single girl and preferred meeting for gang-bangs and orgies, I played a numbers game, it wasn't so much the quality but quantity for me, the feeling of being able to get a lot of men to play with was a massive ego boost.
Growing up I was the ugly duckling and I was often ignored and passed by because I was the awkward geeky kid with terrible skin and no shape, when all my friends had their first boyfriends I sat at home studying for my exams. Until I hit about 18 yrs old, I was never really noticed and my confidence was an all-time low, so when I grew into my looks and I found that I started getting noticed, I used sex as a confidence boost.
Then I met my ex-partner, he wasn't interested in the swinging lifestyle to begin with it took 18 months and a lot of discussions to get him to experience it, with that it meant having rules in place to keep us both comfortable, sharing your partner can be extremely scary to begin with and we found having set rules made it easier. During that time I calmed down a lot my preferences changed and we mainly played with other couples and with single girls as not to make my partner jealous and to keep within our rules.
Now 9 years on I have changed my preferences yet again, preferring quality over quantity with mostly single girls and guys but also choosing to play more one on one but overall I much prefer the social side of the lifestyle and could happily just chat all night.
The important thing I have found throughout is to only do what you are comfortable with and if you're in a relationship making sure you are both secure enough to deal with the consequences, over the years I have seen so many people not communicating with their partners about how they feel and then problems arise such as jealousy and resentment... communication is key.
Sit down and talk about things and how you would feel about certain things for example with my ex he could have sex with anyone he wanted, it never fazed me in the slightest however if he then spent the night or was texting her for days afterwards I had a real problem.
Have clear rules, trust and respect, be clear on your own preferences and compromise.
Red x
